While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
