I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
