I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
