Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
