hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
