Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
sarcasm needs its own font
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
