Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
