God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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