i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
