Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
