i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
