Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
