In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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