Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
