My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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