you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
