9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
