When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
