I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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