my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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