I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so let's talk penis.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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