I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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