Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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