lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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