No, you can still breathe under the balls.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
where are my eyebrows?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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