he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I will be naked everywhere
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
