areolas are like halos for boobs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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