did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
