Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think Iām going to marry her
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing āthis is going right up my assā. LOUDLY
Randomize
