It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
