dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
two words...techno handjob
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
