omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
