true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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