he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
