We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
