you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
