Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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