This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
