Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
