First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
