There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
