Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
