Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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