either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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