At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ladies don't puke and tell
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
