Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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