I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
