I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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