She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
