guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
