Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
