I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
