Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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