i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
