At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
