I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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