Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
