Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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